NaNoWriMo. AGAIN?

Do I really have to do this multiple times a year? Do I really have to commit myself to time based projects when the thing I have the most problems with is deadlines?
I honestly think my expertise is in doing the most nonsensical things ever
Oh well. I have been wanting to get back to writing anyway, its one thing that I really love doing and rarely need much inspiration for. And could possibly be pretty good at it if I stopped fucking about and actually took it SERIOUSLY. Just like my art. Its mediocre at best merely because I dont put enough effort and heart into it.
Motivation, dear watson. Motivation is the issue. the ISSUE. the issue.
reurkemrreerk.
So nano. What is this sillyness?? I think I might attempt a series of short stories. Or possibly a surrealistic psychological story about lying and or dreaming/sleeping. I think the ideas are both pretty messed up in their own right. But seeing as my literature heroes are people like Michael Marshall Smith and Albert Camus (frenchman, no less) I really dont see how my writing stood a chance at being normal?
You know Im really quite intelligent behind this facade of weird
:S
maybe.
I hold no delusions that I will complete nano, or that I will attend any of the write ins... ( >:[ *mutter* *foul language and spitting*) but I really miss it and it makes me happy. And I need to start doing something constructive in my life! The fact that it happens to make me happy is just a bonus. Believe it or not I think I was born to be a writer more than an artist. I think me learning art was a secondary talent, one that I dont think really has a root in who I am. Even though I love the medium and have so many hopes and dreams for it that eets loco, I still find Ive never been able to express myself the same way that I can with writing. I can probably look back to 95% of my rough patches and be able to find atleast 5 poems or essays on my emotions, yet no real art.
Thats scarier than I thought it would be
O_o
That brings me back to something else I wanted to talk about ... But seeing as I havent been posting that much, I shall leave it for tomorrow so that I have a topic?

Last years nano ended disastrously (erm, it barely started come to think of it...) mainly because too much was happening AYE ARR ELL and getting in the way. Oh and you know, maybe my MASSIVE lack of planning problem?? So this year I am going for a less structured style, writing whatever happens to poot into my mind at that time 8D Which will no doubt include GIANT CONFUSING MONOLOGUES! Just what I do best.

So yes.
30 days
175 pages
50,000 words

*excited sigh* :D